So school is overwhelming the crap out of me. I’ve been pretty good all semester with dealing with stress, but all of a sudden its like a HUGE wave that came out of nowhere and has knocked me over. I’m procrastinating and hating on myself for it. I have a million projects to do and exams to study for, on top of work and preparing for Italy. I keep saying I am going to start learning Italian and then I don’t and get pissed at myself. All I want to do is crawl in a hole and never come out. I’m getting the urge to get really drunk (which scares me because because alcoholism runs prevalently in my family). I’m overwhelmed… so overwhelmed. So I am going to complain a little and look at depressing things. But then I am going to meditate and get inspired. I know I’ll pull through, but sometimes I can’t help but feel like I’m drowning….
How I feel:
I complain about school and can’t stand it sometimes but I am so damn lucky to be in school and have what i have and i feel guilty about ever complaining in the first place because of this.
I always feel like I need to cry for no reason.
I can’t hold all this weight for much longer.
I feel like I have no control. Life is dominating me.
I’m working on papers and projects and studying and I’m not even half way done sometimes and I feel like I am going mad and just want to run in circles and smash my head into things.
All I want to do is this. Sleep. Hug a pillow. Nothing at all. Anything but deal with life.
And then I apologize to my friends and family because I’ve been bitchy and mean lately because I am so overwhelmed.
But then I remember that sunflowers exist.
And then Chris says this to me. And I believe him. And everything is going to be okay.